The Inheritance of Van Gogh
– Written and illustrated by Hilde and Manfred Gravelius –
Chapter 1 – The Lamentation
It was a rainy Sunday afternoon. Hilde was twiddeling her thumbs after having been busy all the morning. She swept her gaze sleepily across the room while thinking about this year’s lost summer season. While she was about to take her nap, she glanced at the shelf by accident and discovered a small black photo album.
She skimmed through it and started reading again the barbarous story of poor John’s Absinth experience. Turning the pages she got more and more hysterical, and finally she was drenched in tears when discovering again the bloody photo from John having cut off his ear.
She was stunned and outraged!
Having calmed herself after endless minutes she struggled to her feet and thought about how to help poor John to give him a new look – at least to let him be similar in appearance as everyone used to know him before this cruel incident happened to him in a murderous frenzy.
As her tears dried slowly, she talked to Manfred how to succeed in restoring a left ear to John by turning back the clock, but they found no solution. Thus they decided to call a meeting of the Friday Club in order to bring forward new ideas.
LShortly after this they convened. They mediated and chewed over the problem, hour for hour, and bottle for bottle, but none of them could give any piece of advice. Also Herbert’s comments about the experience that ‘drinking beer and smoking shit is like pissing in the wind’ didn’t lead to a realizable result.
While they become more and more depressed and finally started to moan about this injustice that cries out to high heaven, all of a sudden a little fay stood in front of them. Even though she came like a bolt from the blue, and seemed to appear from nowhere she turned out to be a fairy godmother, as she spoke to her audience with a clear but squeaky voice these magic words:
„Don’t you know, folks, your grief moved me deeply. Hence I shall put a spell on you. I will grant you six trials to recreate an ear which might substitute the one John has lost to the genie of Absinth. But listen! The objects you create must not be intangible, nor making him look more ugly than he used to appear in good old times. You will have only six days, and no day longer, to perform this task. Try to apply your own skills. I shall show up again on the seventh day from now at midnight hour. I doubt if help will be given to poor John in case you pass up this golden opportunity!”
Having said those powerful words she vanished into thin air, not without scattering some shimmery stardust.
The Friday Club People, left back speechless and stock-still, only slowly found their way back to reality. But than they kept sputtering forth ideas which came into their minds. They embraced each other, happier than ever, and hurried home to be at work, not to while away their precious time.
Chapter 2 – The Method of Genetic Engineering
Reflecting her vocational education, Renate made up her mind to use all her knowledge in Genetic Engineering in order to create an ear. Without hesitation she got on her working garment and entered her aseptic working environment. It was her plan to use a fingerprint of John as base material for her creation. The further proceeding was clearly presetted.
At first she carefully selected the proper genetic component.
Then she was going to dissolve it by using John’s favourite drink as an important additional element.
Having done this, she had to choose the appropriate substrate (which looked like sort of white powder but she didn’t break the secret of its composition).
Then, having included also a catalyst in order to speed up the process, she had to wait.
Soon the cell culture developed and a huge amount of biological populations started to grow …
… and they growed …
… and growed, and soon a certain shape was to recognize in the active centre of the culture.
After six hours she came back into her laboratory to see the result of her labour.
But was this ear-shaped structure she came across a well-fitting substitute for John’s ear? Should she offer this pink and greenish neoplasm as an ear?
No, not at all! All her efforts were in vain, and only five days remained.
Chapter 3 – The E.A.R. Formula
Seondly, Manfred pondered which new technique could be used to clone an ear. He went to his laboratory and checked his equipment. “I have to invent a new formula”, he thought, “which enables me to build an ear based on a new synthetic.”
He begun to act on this suggestion, and soon the E.A.R. formula was found and described.
In the next steps he mixed different chemical and organic substances. He was aware that he had to avoid any mistake at all, otherwise the result of his experiment could be a nose or a finger, but not an ear.
Thus he redistilled the solution several times in order to increase the alcoholic content.
Then he separated the toxic compounds. No sepsis should jeopardize the healing process.
At last, he added five drops of a secret ingredient which made the material pliant.
After all the chemical reactions had come to an end, he was curious to test his invention.
But was this ear-shaped structure he discovered a well-fitting substitute for John’s ear? Should he insist in using this frangible amorphous formation as an ear?
No, not at all! All his efforts were in vain, and only four days remained.
Chapter 4 – The Metal Approach
“Well, if all those genetic and chemical methods will lead to nothing, isn’t it better to use some solid and kind off heavy-duty material for this challenge?”, Herbert mentioned. “I am an expert on such manufacturing, and I will design the suitable ear, not without considering some essential artistic aspects!”
After this speech he immediately went to his workshop and gathered the tools he would need. After having handpicked the metal alloys for his construction, he worked flat out.
He was drilling aluminium, and soldering copper, and welding steel.
And he was screwing nuts, and filing iron, and bending chromed brass plates, and grinding the surface a whole day long.
Finally, after having done all the required adjustings precisely, which would take some more hours, he indulged in a little rest, and then went back to see his object.
But was this ear-shaped structure he constructed with so much enthusiasm a well-fitting substitute for John’s ear? Should he propose to apply this hi-tech construct as an ear?
No, not at all! All his efforts were in vain, and only three days remained.
Chapter 5 – Progress in Botanical Breeding
Now it was Hilde’s turn. She said: “All animation is owed to mother nature. Therefore it may be a better approach to use organic matter instead of trying to bring inanimate matter to life. Just let me go into my garden and see what I can do by breeding an ear out of my seeds. There might be manifold possibilities, because I have rich variety within my large collection!”
Soon she was busy in manipulating the stamina of the chosen plants with a tiny paint brush. She would not tell which species she interbreeded, nor she would explicate the mystery mixture she used to accelerate the growth of the plant, because she had to let no grass grow under her feet. But we can assume that she included a little bit of pollen from the pink colored miracle flower during the pollination, which she was breeding for almost five years.
Shortly after the well treated seeds were implanted, and fertilized thoroughly, they started to grow rapidly. At first a small green bud broke through the dark soil.
Three hours later some white earlap with a green tip was revealed. Hilde was full of pleasant anticipation, would this experiment lead the story at least to a happy end? Because she wanted to be sure having ideal conditions, she carefully carried the flimsy ear-flower to an air-conditioned place.
Another two hours passed. Then she hurried back to her greenhouse, hoping to find a natural created ear which was coequal to the one John had lost.
But what a bad surprise! Was this glaucous and wrinkled wild cabbage ear, cultured with all her experience, but dashing every hope, a well-fitting substitute for John’s ear? Could she look straight into his eyes when presenting him this flabby leaf?
No, not at all! All her efforts were in vain, and only two days remained.
Chapter 6 – Experiments with Baking Recipes
Elke was standing in her kitchen, busy in preparing the Saturday night dinner, when she heard about all the trials which had failed, and she was concerned the mission would miscarry.
But suddenly it dawned to her. “Listen to me,” she said to Günther. “It is my opinion that every human being only can exist in a healthy way when a balanced diet is provided. So let’s focus on the fact that we have to prevent the physiological sequelae of malnutriation. The ear has to be created by regarding this framework.”
Based on her wealth of experience concerning baking recipes, she studied some cookery books and soon found a recipe for solving this problem.
She looked into her cupboards and fridges. Quickly she had provided all the food ingredients which were specified in the recipe, not caring about messing up her kitchen.
She stirred and mixed the ingredients in the correct order, paying high attention to weigh out the quantities very exactly in order to meet the right consistency.
When the pastry was well merged and kept half an hour at room temperature, he seemed to be ready for the oven.
Elke started baking the mass before it would coagulate, and did not forget to add some special spices. (She used herbs which she collected from a hidden place when she was riding on her bike through the woods.) (And she used pumpkinseed oil for frying.)
After having fried the ear pastry in the pan for five minutes from both sides, she turned up the bottom heat to crisp it up.
Then she came back and took the ear cake out of the pan.
But was this pancake ear – prepared with so much love and care – a well-fitting substitute for John’s ear? Would it be healthy to him sticking a crispy golden brown pancake to his left temple?
No, not at all! All her efforts were in vain, and only one single day remained.
Chapter 7 – Modern Rubber Technology
Regarding all the unsuccessful operations which had been made in the last five days, Günther made up his mind, that now or never an appropriate method has to be detected. He was convinced about his plan, because it combined the advantages of the previous trials, and tried to avoid the problems which occurred.
„Everyone was on the right way up to a certain extent. I will take care to consider this in my solution.” he mulled over. “We need some characteristics from the former five ear objects, as there are: genetic material, synthetic attributes, a mouldable substance, biological cultured, and a nutritive value which stimulates the metabolism. I guess, a special caoutchouc-based rubber product, merged with selected additives would meet the requirement of an artificial ear.”
As soon as his plan was confirmed, he entered his garage. There he was very busy in accomplishing his working process.
He decided for taking chemically pure caoutchouc as basic material, and added seven milligrams of Renate’s cell culture in order to include the proper genetic component.
Some metalic components where added to make the material solid, but not too inflexible.
Then he started the vulcanization process. This was an important step, because during this procedure a spray which consists of the E.A.R. solution was included.
Using nitrogen pressure, he added freshly breeded seeds of Hilde’s wrinkled cabbage ear, hoping to meet an adequate ratio of mixture.
Finally he had to treat the slug with an essence composed on Elke’s sweet herbs (which she collected on her bicycle tour through the woods of Unterliederbach).
He was sweating because it was a physical strain for him.
When all the work was finished, Günther was excited about his product. Carefully he fetched a heavy piece out of the acid bath, using a gripper. He was kind of astonished because it looked similar to a brake pad of an old Chevie.
But was this black and flexible artefact, which was more alike to a hearing aid than to an amputation appliance, – was this bad smelling thing a well-fitting substitute for John’s ear? Could he walk around beaming with pride?
No, not at all! All the efforts were in vain, and no more day remained.
Chapter 8 – Days of Desperation
On the seventh day, they met again, each one with a slide hope that one of the ears being created by trying so hard could be worth an acceptable substitute for poor John.
And the boys went to ask the girls: “Did you succeed in recreate an ear by using all your techniques, which could let John look a million dollars?”
But much to their regret the girls shook their heads and answered sadly and with quiet voices: “No, none of our results could be used for this reason. We have failed completely!”
And the girls went to ask the boys: “What’s about you? Did you manage to develop some useful ear objects by applying all your knowledge you relied on, which could give back this bright appearance to John?”
But much to their regret the boys shook their heads and answered grievously and at the same time: No, none of our trials satisfied the criteria. We also have failed with lock, stock, and barrel!”
Not knowing how to proceed further on, they assembled around the table and starting thinking and sighing again from the beginning, hour for hour, and bottle for bottle. Also Herbert’s considerations concerning ‘drinking beer and smoking shit …’ were not really helpful at that cheerless moment.
The clock stroke twelf hours. Right into their moaning the little fay buzzed in again. She looked into the desperate faces, smiled a bit (which sounded like a snicker in spring time), and then started to talk to them:
„Don’t you worry no more. I can confirm that you have tried your best. All your ideas ain’t bad in the attempt, and I recognized your ambitions were very honestly. That’s why I say: Where there’s a will there’s a way! You will have one more chance. All you have to do is arranging a séance, being very concentrate on John’s spirit. I myself will fly to my neighbour’s kingdom. In this residence lives a mighty magician who may answer your wish!”
Having said those auspicious words she touched Manfred’s brow slightly with her magic wand. Then she vanished into thin air, not without leaving a sizzling noise and a smooth smelling of mulled wine.
Chapter 9 – The Moments of Enlightenment and Redemption
Immediately they started preparing the séance. “There was a sizzling noise in the air,” Renate said. “Doesn’t this mean we should have some burning flames?” “And there was a smooth smelling of mulled wine,” Hilde remembered. “The fay wanted to motion something to us,” Manfred suspected. “The meaning of those signs is quite clear,” replied Günther, “we need to have a flamy red wine punch with the séance!” “As far as I am concerned, we may have three portions, if only one is not enough for obtaining an ear or two,” Elke pleaded.
No sooner said than done. They brewed a strong and fiery punch, took their seats around the table, filled their glasses, and begun with the evocation.
They mumbled spiritual words, always repeating the word ear in different phrases, like “No more year without an ear,” or “Have no fear, here’s an ear”. But soon the first bowl was empty, and nothing had happened. So they had to mix another one.
They set light to the punch again, filled their glasses, and Renate started to force up the rhythm, as she yelled: “Ear! Ear! I feel you are near!” Herbert voiced something about ‘a flap comes while you take a nap’ under his breath, and Manfred tried the verse “Gimme some ear, or I show you my rear”. But then the second bowl was empty, and they had to brew a third one. They already looked sort of glass-eyed, but filled their glasses bravely for another round.
And then, just after Hilde and Elke reached her hands, singing “Ear drops are falling from the flames”, and Günther stuffed again his pipe with fresh tobacco from Ireland (which is spelled ‘earland’), just at that moment the fire flared up and the flames turned to an orange and yellow color. A hissing noise filled the air, and in the middle of the flames an object occurred, looming at first, but brighter at the second glance. It seemed to be sort of a box containing a sort of shells, but very blurry.
Suddenly they winced at a tremendous thunderclap which pervaded the room, and for a moment there was nothing but deep darkness.
When they opened their eyes again, they saw a giant blue dressed man, holding a box in his hands. He was surrounded by two pixies which were dancing around him, both singing: “We came from far away, just to pleasure you!”, and they were chuckling in a giggly way all the time.
But the giant spoke to the Friday Club members: “Let me introduce myself. I am Dr. H. S. Halloween, and I have been sent to from my friendly neighbour, the little fairy godmother. She told me from John’s Absinth tragedy, and from your ambition to help him getting back the lost ear. Well, here they are. One pair suitable for general use, and another pair for those moments where he wants to hear the grass grow. Be happy with them!”
Saying these magic words, he grinned impishly and disappeared, not without the roaring laughter of the pixies.
The Friday people stood still for some moments. Then they embraced each other feeling very reliefed, and decided to send a delegation to John who shall bring the ear-set to him on behalf of the Friday Club as soon as possible.
© 2008 Friday Club